Walrus Burglar

Every time we get ready to leave the house for Homer's walk, before shutting the door, Jfer invariably asks me whether I have my keys, knowing very well that I always do.

Naturally, since she's out of town this weekend, I managed to leave the house with Homer but without keys, wallet or cell phone. Of course, I noticed as soon as I closed the door. During my walk with Homer, I decided that I'd have to break in to the house. I've done it before in similar situations.

Once we got back, I checked out the front door -- yes, definitely locked. I checked out the sliding glass patio doors -- locked as well. The "easy access" windows on our porch and in the bedroom were also locked. I didn't bother with the bathroom windows, 'cause there was no way in hell I'd squeeze through without damage to myself or the house.

Luckily, one of the guest bedroom windows wasn't completely locked (I wonder who our last visitor was...) I managed to take of the solar screen and slide the window open without any damage to the lock or glass. The problem is that the window ledge is about chest height and the window is fairly narrow, there is nothing to stand on the outside and furniture and crap on the inside.

Well, using a 5 gallon bucket as a stepping stool, I managed to squeeze my leg into the window and after a very precarious transition made it across the ledge without hurting my goodies. Once I got a foothold on the inside, I crawled into the bedroom without any major damage to furniture (the chest turned out pretty sturdy) or the stuff on top of it. During this process, Homer eyed me with a baffled expression (but no barking) and nobody seemed to have noticed my burgling, which was clearly visible from the street.

Breaking and Entering (actually, I didn't "break", I just barely "entered") would definitely not be a good career for me. You want to be skinny and flexible if you want to call yourself a cat burglar. And I think that a Neighborhood Watch Program may not be that bad an idea, either.